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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778987">Barace is Fucking Traumatised</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemDragons/pseuds/JemDragons'>JemDragons</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dungeons &amp; Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons &amp; Dragons - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Dungeons &amp; Dragons, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Gore, Non-Canonical Character Death, Please give the child a hug, Psychological Trauma, Survivor Guilt, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:21:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,109</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemDragons/pseuds/JemDragons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sapic did not recover from her near death experience and little Barace was left to pick up the pieces.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>A Ballad of Seas and Ships</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Barace is Fucking Traumatised</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucky_Guardian/gifts">Lucky_Guardian</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sapic is a Tortle Monk (she/her)<br/>Zevas is a Human Blood Hunter (he/him)<br/>Den is a Half-Elf Artificer (they/them)<br/>Barace is a Lizardfolk Wizard (she/them)<br/>Varick is a Kobold Druid (he/him)</p><p>Unofficial sequel to The Snake's Maw but reading that isn't needed at all to understand this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The snake Calls to me.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>I step forward, closer to the void within its infinite jaws.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>A hand wraps around my own again and I let it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It joins me and guides me as we step into the snake’s mouth and become Nothing.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Barace kneels next to Sapic, hands pressed against her chest, desperately trying to slow the bloodflow pouring out from the huge slash through her shell.</p><p> </p><p>She saw them go down, both Sapic and Zevas (the strongest people she knows!), in just one hit and her heart plummeted faster than ever before in her life.</p><p> </p><p>She came running, Den and the guards and the captain too, as fast as she could but they <em> fell </em> and she <em> can't reach them in time </em> and they’re <em> bleeding </em> and so <em> so </em>still.</p><p> </p><p>Den uses their healing salve to help Zevas (and she’s never been more glad they didn’t sell it at that shop yesterday) and he wakes up with a groan. Taking a moment to get his bearings, he shuffles back from the huge gnoll in front of him in a show of fearful caution they’ve never seen from him before.</p><p> </p><p>He joins them and one of the guards, nestled around Sapic. </p><p> </p><p>She looks at him, tear-streaked and shaking. His armour shows a huge break, right across his belly, where the gnoll’s glaive gutted him in front of her and he <em> fell. </em> The healing salve has stitched the wound back together so it isn’t actively bleeding but from what they can see the skin is fragile and thin. Even moving too vigorously would open it up again, they haven’t a doubt.</p><p> </p><p>He glances down at Sapic and back at her, meeting her gaze. There’s worry in his eyes and he grimaces. </p><p> </p><p>A clash of weapons and they both snap their heads to the sound. The captain is struggling alone against the gnoll as, almost in slow motion, the other guard she was with falls. His head hits after his body and Barace wants to throw up.</p><p> </p><p>The guard treating Sapic runs to help and Barace wants to stop them, to tell them it’s no use and they shouldn’t go to die, to beg them to stay here and help her because her friend is <em> dying </em> and she doesn’t have any spells left and she’s <em> trying </em> but Rauva couldn’t have prepared her for this and she’s <em> scared. </em></p><p> </p><p>With a groan of pain and effort, Zevas pulls himself to his feet. He hefts his bardiche from the ground and uses it to support him as he staggers back into combat.</p><p> </p><p>Barace wants to <em> cry </em> but they’re crying already and it isn’t <em> helping</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Beneath their fingers, Sapic’s blood still runs and her breath is getting weaker, oh gods.</p><p> </p><p>Where’s Den?</p><p> </p><p>They need Den. </p><p> </p><p>They need Den <em> right now.</em></p><p> </p><p>A nasal grumble from the tree line and there she can see Den helping Varick to his feet (when did he fall? oh gods this is a <em> nightmare </em>). </p><p> </p><p>They aren’t going to get here on time.</p><p> </p><p>They aren’t going to get here on time…</p><p> </p><p>Sapic’s going to…</p><p> </p><p>She’s…</p><p> </p><p>Zevas returns, dropping to his knees into the pool of their shared blood immediately. For a second Barace thinks he’s been stabbed and the despair that grips her is <em> overwhelming </em> but on closer inspection he’s just sitting down, exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>They look behind him and the gnoll is dead.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t want to feel relieved.</p><p> </p><p>The battle seems over and with that comes the safety to finally call out, “Den! Den, come help! <em> Please! </em> Sapic’s- She’s not <em> breathing! Please!" </em></p><p> </p><p>They rush over while Zevas, alarmed at the news, leans forward to take over helping.</p><p> </p><p>Barace sits back, using shaking blood-stained hands to wipe the tears from their eyes but only succeeding in smearing it across her face and bringing that sickly metallic smell closer to her sensitive nose.</p><p> </p><p>She <em> can't </em>anymore.</p><p> </p><p>She holds her breath.</p><p> </p><p>Not breathing forces a sense of strange calm over them, as they lose the capacity to hyperventilate and their instinctual symptoms of panic find a break in their feedback loop.</p><p> </p><p>They watch in slow motion as Zevas fights to keep Sapic’s heart beating and Den scrapes the bottom of their jar for the last remnants of the healing salve and Varick places his tiny hands against her side to cast Cure Wounds. </p><p> </p><p>They look up at the captain of the guard and the last surviving guardsman as they watch over the scene with a regretful sadness on their faces.</p><p> </p><p>The fires of the city behind them are slowly going out and she can mutedly hear the footsteps and yells of incoming support.</p><p> </p><p>It’s too late.</p><p> </p><p>The thought enters her mind unwillingly but as more tears blink from her eyes she realises it’s true.</p><p> </p><p>It’s too late.</p><p> </p><p>She’s dead.</p><p> </p><p>A breath rips from their lungs at last, harsh and painful and rasping, getting the attention of the rest of the party. </p><p> </p><p>“Barace?” Den asks and she <em> can't. </em> </p><p> </p><p>She bends over double and <em> retches. </em></p><p> </p><p>It’s her fault.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It's her fault. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>If she’d just been able to help better, if she’d been here rather than with the other guards, if she hadn’t used all her spells in that last fight like a <em> fucking </em> <b> <em>idiot!</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>Sapic is dead and it’s <em> her fault. </em></p><p> </p><p>The guards are dead <em> and it's her fault. </em></p><p> </p><p>The gnolls she killed are <em> dead </em> <b> <em>and it's Her Fault.</em> </b></p><p> </p><p>They want to go home to Rauva. They don’t want to be here anymore. <em> Jesus </em>, they don’t want to be here anymore. </p><p> </p><p>Where’s Rauva? <em> Please. </em> She <em> needs </em> her. </p><p> </p><p>Rauva.</p><p> </p><p>Oh gods, Rauva.</p><p> </p><p>What’s she going to say to her?</p><p> </p><p>They’ve mentioned Sapic in their previous letters, they can’t just <em> not talk </em> about her from now on, they <em> can't </em> . They can’t go back and erase her as if she was never there (the very thought makes her <em> sick </em> ). They’re going to need to tell her, aren’t they? Tell Rauva she’s a <em> murderer. </em> Tell Rauva she killed one of her friends because she <em> failed. </em> That it’s <em> her fault</em>.</p><p> </p><p>A hand rests on her shoulder and she looks up to see Den.</p><p> </p><p>She barely even has time to register their face before she buries herself in their chest, hugging and <em> weeping. </em></p><p> </p><p>They embrace her and it’s not Rauva, it’s not the same. They smell of oil and butter and metal and leather, not of books and incense and fabrics. They aren’t soft against her scales like Rauva’s robes and their hard armour digs into her arms as she squeezes them tight.</p><p> </p><p>It’s something, though. And she appreciates it.</p><p> </p><p>The guards move on, ripping down other catapults and chasing off the remaining gnolls by themselves.</p><p> </p><p>The Destiny Weavers stay put and mourn.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I got really excited at all the edgy shit that happened last session with all of our new scars and traumas and near-death experiences. I could barely sleep last night because I was so full of Ideas and I just needed to write an AU one-shot on what would've happened if my character died. </p><p>We love Barace, she is a smol child who needs protection and really really shouldn't be on the battlefield XD</p></blockquote></div></div>
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